Disclosure
by qjhayes11
Summary: A child of wealth and privilege, Alexandra Cabot has been assigned to prosecute cases from NYPD's elite Sex Crimes unit, a politically perfect rung on the ladder to becoming New York City's District Attorney. Her glacial Blue eyes and cold demeanor often leave others calling her The Ice Princess, her rise to the top was assured, until she met Detective Olivia Benson.
1. Chapter 1

_**Perspective**_

 _ **2000**_

Sniffing at the coffee pot, Detective Elliot Stabler jerked his head away from the burnt stench that wafted into his nose. He sighed as he dumped the contents of the pot and his cup into the sink.

The subtle click of thick heels echoed out of the squad room. To Elliot, the sound was as distinctive as fingerprints, since he knew that walk as well as his wife's.

"Munch make the coffee again?" came the velvety thick voice of his partner, Detective Olivia Benson.

"Either him or Jeffries." He snorted as he refilled the pot from the water cooler. "Neither one of them can make a decent pot to save their lives."

Liv chuckled as she bent down to fish the coffee can out of the cabinet.

Elliot glanced at his partner's shapely behind from the corner of his eye. Liv was five feet, eight inches of shapely feminine curves and he'd been trying hard to give her the respect that she deserved but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't ignore the fact that his partner was one of the sexiest women alive.

As the pot filled he changed the subject in his mind by promoting gossip.

"Hey did you hear about Carmichael?"

Liv straightened as she set the can on the counter. "No, what about her?"

"She went Federal."

He watched as Liv changed the drip cup in the machine. Her movements looked forced, "Really? Is that why we got saddled with Cabot?"

He pinched his lips, "Actually Cragen said that she was coming to us anyway. Said that most of the prosecutors are complaining about having to do Sex Crimes."

"Most of them are whiny, brats still sucking on their Harvard pacifiers."

He chuckled at her hard sense of humor.

"Still, one ADA has to be better than rotating them through."

She measured a couple of spoons of coffee and dumped them in the filter before shoving it and the drip cup back in place. "Cragen said that Cabot is a politician, how does that help SVU?"

"She's got a lot of juice." He said as he poured the water into the reservoir. "Monique said that she got that warrant against Radial Velocity in about two minutes."

"That doesn't scare you?" She stared at him, "If she can pull a warrant like that, she could hang any cop in this building out to dry on a whim, including Cragen."

He nodded, "Look, she's not all that friendly and she's got an attitude like she owns the world but she's who we're stuck with. You've seen her in court so you know she's good. Aside from that, there's nothing to do but watch what you say around her and try to stay out of her Majesty's way. The truth is that I think we're going to miss Carmichael."

Olivia cupped her hands over her face.

"What?" He asked and looked behind him to see the tall blonde attorney in question, standing in the door, her thin arms crossed and her hip cocked.

He turned back to his partner, "How long?"

"Attitude." Liv replied.

He closed his eyes and cursed inwardly before putting that confident smile on his face and facing the high born ADA. "Counselor."

She merely glared at him and in a movement that was every bit as regal as the Queen of England, she turned and walked away.

"Great job, El." Liv said and slapped him on the back. "Let me know if you get Manhattan patrol."

 _ **Frustration**_

Alexandra Cabot stepped out of Cragen's office and bee-lined it to the women's bathroom. Her eyes scanning the room for Benson and Stabler. Not seeing either, she sucked in a breath of relief. Stabler was one of those hardasses who looked at her like she was some self entitled bitch from a rich family. Even though she was from a prominent Boston family, she took care to not let that be known. Honestly she thought Abigail Carmichael had it easy, she'd gone to law school on a track scholarship and it was her grades that had kept her at the University of Texas. No one expected her to be as successful as she was.

Everything Alex did was to further move her along her parent's expectations. The only child of a tenured professor of economics at Boston Cambridge University and a history professor at Harvard, Alex's parents expected her to not only succeed at everything she did but also to thrive. The Cabot Family was one of the most illustrious families in Boston; every bit as prominent as the Fairfields and the Isles. Alex was expected to adhere to the same social standing in New York as she would have in Boston. Supposedly that was why she was here, to get some distance from Boston and to stretch her wings so to speak, but the truth was a lot simpler. New York City was far enough away from her parents and where she could discretely exercise her desires. She'd told them that there were far better political opportunities for a young lawyer out to make her mark which was true and they had agreed. At twenty five, she'd resented having to ask their permission to do anything but such was the nature of their society.

Her only relative in the city was her uncle, Judge Bill Harriman, and he of all people wouldn't tell on her should he ever find out that she was a lesbian.

Such things were a scandal to the Cabots; an unacceptable dysfunction, treated like an illness. Alex had made that mistake when she was fourteen and after the family maid Marguerite was fired, Alex had never seen her sixteen year old Consuela again.

She was one hell of a prosecutor, with the best education money could buy, the family connections to reach far and wide and enough favors owed in her pocket to get away with murder.

Still she wasn't happy, in two years she'd had three lovers, only one of them could be trusted to be discrete but only because she had a husband who was a federal judge. Even then, she wasn't gay so much as lonely, she only dabbled in same-sex encounters very rarely and only because she couldn't bring herself to cheat with a man.

That Alex had a professional relationship with her was an added bonus as it was easier to arrange meetings that sounded legitimate.

Alex stared at herself in the mirror. Blonde hair cropped just above her shoulders, a model's body and a movie star's face. But what set her apart were the icy blue eyes that she often hid behind stylish glasses. She was gorgeous and she knew it, but anyone who really knew her would see that Alexandra Cabot was as lonely as her occasional lover.

Her heart weighed heavy as she washed her hands in the sink and tried to shake the steamy thoughts of that dark haired detective out of her mind.

Detective Benson was the sexiest woman Alex had ever laid eyes on and she found herself wanting to feel that woman press her against a wall. Benson's luscious breasts pressing against her smaller ones. Alex wanted to grip those bare shoulders while wrapping her long legs around those wide hips.

Feeling hot and needy, she was wondering if she would have time to stop at her uptown Condo on the way back to the bottom of the island when a toilet flushed behind her. Alex's thoughts were snapped back in place as easily as closing a jewelry box... until Benson stepped out of the stall.

She felt her cheeks flush as those thoughts stirred again but she shut them down. There was no way she could even think about trying to pick up a cop, no matter how hot. One word to a partner like Stabler and it would be all through the New York Judiciary System and Alex would bring the very scandal her parents were afraid of down on them.

The Cabot's gay daughter, it was something she could never allow.

She forced her mind at ease and her face hardened into the blank face that she'd been practicing since she was seven, wondering how long it would take for her old nickname to follow her here.

Liv glanced at the new ADA who was staring blankly into the mirror.

 _I knew she practiced that face,_ yet something caught her eye as she stepped up to the sink to wash her hands. The ADA's cheeks were reddening under the foundation. She wanted to ignore it but Liv wasn't one to pass up a chance to help.

"Are you okay counselor?" She said as she stuck her hand under the soap dispenser.

"I'm fine, Detective, but thank you for asking." Cabot's voice was matched with the very same demeanor she was presenting. No emotion, no tells.

Liv gently washed her hands, the whole while she kept an eye on the ADA from the corner of her vision. The young woman's hands were trembling, though it was barely visible, and the ADA didn't blink though her eyelids were twitching.

"Elliot takes a while to warm up to people." Liv said as she shut off the faucet. "Once he does, he's a great man to have around."

Alex didn't say anything, she just kept staring. It hadn't taken her long to figure out that Benson was very observant. She kept her eyes focused on her own so that the gorgeous woman didn't see her staring at all of those beautiful curves.

"Anyway, nice job the other day in court." Liv said as she dried her hands and threw away the paper towel.

She started to walk out when that voice stopped her. "Benson?""

She turned to see the ADA's icy gaze focused straight into her own.

"I'm not one of those people who gets insulted and runs people through the wringer." Her eyes never wavered. "All I ask is that you and Stabler do your jobs, bring me cases I can prosecute and as the Captain said, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"You're in luck, counselor; that's all we do around here." She smiled and Alex felt her heart flutter. "See you later, Miss Cabot."

Once gone, Alex leaned hard against the sink, put a hand to her chest, and sucked in a huge breath, "oh my." Her heart threatened to pound it's way out of her shirt.

She looked back at her reflection and frowned. "Alex you'd better get this under control."

But her heart beat wildly and she knew that she was going to stop off at home, damn whatever appointments she had; she couldn't exactly run around the courthouse all hot and bothered, every would-be suitor would spend the day coming on to her.

As Alex left the 16th Precinct she came to one inescapable conclusion. Olivia Benson was going to play havoc on her and the brunette didn't even know it.

 _ **Distraction**_

Liv flipped through an evidence file as she tried to focus on the case she and Elliot had caught this morning. It wasn't easy. She'd had a meeting this morning in Cabot's office. The ADA had been wearing a pencil skirt with a slit up to mid thigh and a sleeveless blouse that had hugged the young woman's body beautifully.

It was strange how much she was attracted to the attorney. Stranger still that she'd love nothing more than to spend time with the beautiful blonde.

 _What the hell is wrong with me today?_

The hot sex she'd had last night with that doctor she'd met last week had certainly been enough to satisfy her for a while. He was well built, good looking and knew how to use what he had. It was better than she'd had in a while. Not even sleeping with Brian Cassidy had excited her as much as the good doctor had. And she'd slept with Brian because of the excited taboo of sleeping with someone you work with.

 _Jesus Liv, wake up! That woman wouldn't give you the time of day._ She shook her head and tried again to produce a single lead in the case.

"You want to talk about it?" Her partner said from across the desks.

Liv looked up in surprise, "Talk about what?"

He didn't even lift his head, "Whatever it is that's on your mind."

 _Crap!_ "I'm just trying to figure out where we go from here."

Elliot set the paperwork down and glanced around the room. "Two years of working together and you don't think I know when you're distracted." he smiled, "That Doctor what's his name, how did the date go?"

"Aaron Schlesinger," She said, "It went fine. How's Kathy?"

He smiled, "A little grouchy that you and I were out half the night the other day."

Liv snorted, "Well tell her that I said not to worry."

He chuckled, "Somehow I don't think that would help."

Liv rolled her eyes, "Well maybe a day at the salon together will help ease her mind."

He dropped his pencil on the desk, "You two are going out Saturday afternoon right?"

"Yeah," she said, "Francesca's Hair and Nail salon on thirtieth."

He nodded approvingly, "Good, she deserves it."

"A full time nurse and a full time mother of four," Liv chuckled, "Yeah I'd say she deserves to be spoiled once in a while."

He smiled, "Whatever it costs, Liv. Help me remind her that she's still the same amazing woman I married straight out of the Corps."

"Four little Stablers and she's still gorgeous, El." Liv chuckled, "Some girls get all the breaks."

The clacking of heels interrupted the very welcomed distraction. Liv closed her eyes as she remembered whose heels sounded like that.

She glanced around to see if anyone else recognized them. The new guy, Tutuola looked up towards the door and then stuck his nose back into his case.

Munch looked up and dipped his head in that unique way that made him look like he was working but was actually watching the room.

Jeffries scowled and continued to file away the closed cases.

The heels came closer from behind her and Liv schooled her face. She would not let the Ice Princess know that she was affected by her.

As Cabot walked past her desk, Elliot shook his head and picked up his notes again. Liv watched as Cabot continued to part walk, part float to Cragen's office. But as she knocked and entered, the ADA looked pointedly across the room and straight at her. Liv felt her pulse leap at the hot look she'd just received.

 _Bullshit. It's not what you think it was! Don't do it Liv!_

Cabot disappeared and the door closed.

Liv stared, completely stunned at the thoughts in her mind. She knew it wasn't possible, the upper class just did not tolerate that kind of thing. Plus, their ADA had some lofty ambitions, something like that would make sure something like _that_ would never happen.

She shook her thoughts off and went back to work. A few minutes later Cabot came out of Cragen's office. Liv glanced up and caught that look again. Before she could think better of it, she looked straight at Alex Cabot and focused her attention as she tried to get a read on the thin woman. It was a talent she'd developed since the academy; the ability to read a person's body language; looks, subtle signs and changes to tell if the person she was looking at was gay or not. Her academy partner Saroyan called it a gaydar. Liv turned it fully on Alex and just couldn't get a reading.

Until Alex looked up at her again on her way out the door.

If you could measure homosexuality on a meter, her partner would peg solidly on the hetero sexual side. Someone like Jeffries would read straight but close enough to the middle to know that she'd dabbled with women from time to time. If Liv could turn it on herself, she see that she was bisexual but favored the women's side of the gauge.

But if that needle existed, Alex Cabot would have just bent the shit out of it as it hit the stops on the lesbian side. That one look, though as ridiculous as it sounds, just told Liv that Alex Cabot was a gay as a woman could get. Liv was willing to bet her pension that Alex Cabot had never touched a man.

"Hey."

Elliot's voice snapped her out of her stunned state.

She turned her eyes to him.

"You okay? You look a little thunderstruck."

She jerked, her eyebrows pinched together, "Thunderstruck?"

He nodded, "Yeah, thunderstruck."

She rolled her eyes trying to cover up her reaction. "No more AC/DC for you. I want my CD back."

He chuckled, "Good luck, you'll have to get it from Maureen."

Liv sneered at him, "That's the fourth CD your klepto daughter has of mine."

He started laughing. "You're the one who bought her that walkman."

As she thought of Maureen's face when she'd opened in on her birthday, Liv couldn't be mad at the girl. The portable CD player was the best present the kid had ever gotten. What Liv hadn't expected was that she'd end up funding Maureen's CD case.

"Well, when I come by to pick up Kathy, Maureen and I are going to have a little talk about the Olivia Benson CD _exchange_ program."

Elliot started laughing harder, "Let me know how that works out."

She smiled because she enjoyed being a small part of Elliot's family. Now if she could just convince Kathy that she had a better chance of getting in her pants than Elliot did, her partner's self conscious wife would be a lot easier on them both.

It wasn't like she didn't know her partner had a crush on her, most of her partners did. But Elliott was a good cop and a great dad. It was something Liv would never let herself get in the middle of. If Elliott had been single, she probably would have, after she requested a different partner. But she'd met Kathy on more than a few occasions and really liked the woman. One thing Olivia Benson had never been was a homewrecker, she wasn't about to start now.

Her mind turned back to the ADA.

That on the other hand was something worth thinking on… later… at home... in the shower.

A chill went down Olivia's spine as an involuntary thought of those long legs meeting a beautifully firm backside ran riot in her head. She pushed the thought down and went back to work.

 **Office of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot**

 **Three hours later.**

Liv took a deep breath to steady herself and knocked on the the office door.

The response was terse and sharp: "Come in."

She steadied her hand and pushed in to see Cabot holding her phone to her ear.

"I have reservations at Le Bistro for eight o'clock tonight." She said harshly, "And the car must be waiting in front by no later than seven fifteen. If you cannot manage that then I will find another car service… thank you." She said in some irritation and hung up.

Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose, dropping her hand Alex looked up at the detective and stopped breathing.

"Silhouette or City?" She said.

"Excuse me?"

"Silhouette is owned by Marko Popovich." Liv said as she sat down, "He focuses his services on models and celebrities. We have to check out his cars every now and again for hidden cameras because he likes to boost his business by taking pictures of naughty stars and selling them to the Paparazzi."

"And City Cars?" Alex arched an eyebrow.

Liv smiled, "When the cars are not driving around the rich and famous, we believe they're running top end escorts to the rich and famous. Try Prestige, David Bromback is honest and above all he's discreet."

Alex made a note on her legal pad, "Thank you detective. I feel the need to cancel my car tonight."

"Glad to be of service." Liv said. "Are you going after Harper and Lori for Murder?"

"No." Alex said. "I know Kenneth Cleary raped them and I won't put them through a murder trial that they'll walk on Justifiable Homicide anyway. Harper suffered enough."

"Thank you for that." Liv said.

"Don't thank me detective, what they did was a crime." Alex said coldly, "If I could put them away, I would. That's my job. I'm letting this go because I have zero chance at winning."

"So it's all about numbers to you?" Liv shook her head. "Just when I was starting to like you."

Alex leaned over her desk. "Olivia, I think you and I need to come to an understanding. You catch the bad guys and I put them away, that is the role we each have in this. I'm not going to lie to you, I have certain plans beyond just trying cases and winning but that doesn't pertain to whether or not you like me."

"If you're going to use my first name then you should call me Liv." Liv said as she stood up and rested her hands on Alex's desk. "The thing is that I want to like you. You've got something that my squad needs."

"And what's that?" Alex stared levelly at her, "Connections, what is it the cops call it… juice?"

Liv smirked as she leaned over the desk, "A heart. You come off as this cold blooded bitch that wants to climb the ladder as quickly as she can but I do this for a living, remember. I can tell when someone doesn't care and when they put on a front. It's more than politics for you isn't it? You actually want to make a difference."

"Making a difference is a key element of politics." Alex replied icily.

"No, it's not." Liv said with that smirk, she leaned in closer to the ADA. "Giving the appearance of change is the key. Making yourself appear more valuable than you are. You actually cared about what Harper went through, I can see it in your eyes, you wanted Kenneth Cleary dead just the same as I did, as Stabler did. What was it? Was it how closely you and Harper are similar in appearance? Was it how easily you realized that it could happen to you or anyone you know?"

Alex stared into those mocha brown eyes and had the feeling that the detective was trying to feel her out. She wanted to tell her that Harper's similar hair and build did affect her. She wanted to say how much it meant to her that Olivia cared about the victims. More than that, she wanted to say how she wanted to be cared about like that. But she didn't.

"Harper Anderson is a murderer, justifiable I will give you that, but nothing would please me more than putting her ass up at Rikers for a year. But I won't do that because of what she has been through and in no small part because Donnelly and I agree that pursuing Harper would be a waste of the taxpayers' time and money."

Liv smiled widely. "At least you're not afraid of voicing your opinion."

She straightened and nodded approvingly. "Welcome to SVU counselor."

Liv turned to leave when Cabot stopped her, "If I'm going to call you Liv, then you should call me Alex."

Liv looked over her shoulder. The blonde was standing, her arms crossed under her small breasts, framing them nicely, shoulders slightly raised to highlight them, A subtle sign of interest.

"A couple of us are heading down to O'Halloran's Pub on seventh." She said, "The end of the week and a big case closed, if your date at Le Bistro doesn't work out, you're welcome to come by."

"Thank you." She said haughtily, "But I'm not going out on a date. It's politics."

Liv snorted, "I imagine that takes up a good deal of your time." She turned and walked out.

"Unbelievable." Alex breathed, "I'll give her this, she's got balls."

She sat back down at her desk and picked up the phone.

"Sandy, get me the number for Prestige Car Service." She waited for her secretary to pull it up. "Yes, you can connect me."


	2. Chapter 2

_**History**_

As Alex prosecuted the latest case brought to her by SVU, she had to keep her eyes forward as Olivia Benson sat in the courtroom. This case had been important to her and despite the fact that Alex had pushed hard on this one, she felt a deep need to show the beautiful detective what she could do. Her closing argument finished, she left the courtroom, confident that the jury would return a verdict of Guilty.

Now the detective on the other hand, Alex had the hardest time keeping her mind on the job. As she walked down the steps at 500 Pearl Street, she heard her name being called.

"Alex!"

She turned around to see Benson following her.

"Hey hold up a minute." She said.

"Detective?" She replied with her icy voice, "what can I do for you?"

"Let me buy you lunch." Olivia said in that velvety voice of hers.

Alex felt a chill go down her spine and settle in a place that made her body heat. She ignored it, for the most part and focused instead on talking normally, "I don't have a reservation anywhere."

Liv shook her head, "I have a standing reservation at Dimitri's. C'mon, slum it a little."

Her head jerked and her eyebrows arched, "Slum it a little?"

"Trust me, Lemures, Le Bistro, and any of those other five stars have nothing on Dimitri's." Liv's brown eyes focused on Alex's blue ones and she could swear that Benson was reading her mind and soul. "C'mon, you knocked this one out of the park, let a lowly civil servant express her gratitude before you go back to your high end political schedule."

"You'd be more convincing if you didn't say that like you were stepping in a steaming divot." Alex said.

Liv lead the way to her old cruiser, "Okay, this is going to sound dumb but if a divot is a chunk of grass that's been torn up by a golf club, then what's a steaming divot?"

Alex chuckled, "What would you call golf with horses?"

"Polo." Liv answered as she opened the door of her cruiser.

"And what do you think a steaming divot is?" Alex said as she first eyed the clean car then sat in the passenger seat.

Liv smiled as she shut the door, "Horse shit." she said under her breath as she went around the other side.

She sat down in the driver's seat and shoved the key in the ignition, "Look I'm sorry, I get attitude I give it back. It's just the way i am." Liv looked over her shoulder, flipped on the lights and pulled into traffic.

"I'm not trying to give you attitude." she said as she started to look nervous. "And you're abusing your authority."

Smiling Liv shut off the lights as she turned on to fourth. "Just a little." she said as she pulled up to a red light. "The job has a few little perks. I don't blow through red lights but making a hole in traffic, yeah, I'll do that." The light turned green but the cab wasn't moving. Liv tooted her horn but the cab still sat idle, brake lights glowing. "And then there's this." Liv reached to the controller again and whelped her siren. The taillights on the cab went out and it got moving, As the light turned yellow, she switched on her lights again and made a left. Once through the intersection she again shut them off and pulled up infront of a restaraunt.

"Dimitri's Grille & Grinders." Liv proclaimed, "The best Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich on Manhattan Island. Their Italian is good too."

Alex stared at the small restaurant then back to the detective who was climbing out of the car. "C'mon, Counselor. I promise, your refined pallet will get lost here."

She pulled the car door open and held a hand out in a oddly chivalrous way. Alex rolled her eyes and took the detective's hand. It was a mistake as she felt the soft hands that held a few callouses from the labors of police work. Her body exploded with heat as Olivia gently pulled her up. Her mocha colored eyes were dark and inviting.

Liv led Alex inside and was greeted by an elderly gentleman who immediately took Liv's hand, "Detective Benson. A lovely day as always when you come in."

"Donny, this is my prosecutor, Alex Cabot." She looked at the blonde, "Alex? Meet Donatello Pino. He's the manager, and Dimitri's eldest son."

"A pleasure Miss Cabot." He gushed, "It's always a pleasure to meet Olivia's friends." he returned his smile to Liv. "I held your usual table for you in the back. But be warned Natalie insists on being your waitress today."

Liv smiled, "It's no problem Donny. I'd like to see how she's doing anyway."

He nodded and spoke in italian, _"Bless you, Bella."_

In her best Italian she thanked him and lead Alex to the back of the small dining room. They'd no sooner sat down when a pretty girl with curly brown hair walked up to them.

"Olivia!" She exclaimed.

Liv smiled and got up to hug the girl, "Hello Natalie. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay, but Papa's making me work all the time." She stepped back and smiled up at the woman, "He doesn't want me at home alone and after what happened, I kinda agree."

"That's only cause your dad loves you." She looked to her blonde companion, "This is my friend Alex."

Natalie smiled and shook hands with the attorney. "She's beautiful, Olivia."

Liv shook her head, "She's not that kind of friend. Alex prosecutes my cases and she's very good at it."

"If you're giving her props then she must be good." she sighed, "I wish she could have worked my case."

"Hey now." Liv chided, "Abbie did what she could with it. He's gone and he'll be gone for a long time."

Natalie nodded, "I know, I'm sorry." her eyes got distant and her expression fell into despair but as soon as it was there it was gone again. "So whaddya havin?"

Liv sat down and glanced at the attorney, "An Antipasto salad for the lady and we'll split a twelve inch Philly."

Natalie started writing on her notepad, "You know we're not supposed to do that but Papa said whatever you want so I'll have it up in a minute. Anything to drink?"

"I'll have a cola."

Alex nodded, "I'll have the same."

Natalie nodded with a grin, "I'll get the cooks on it and bring your drinks right out."

Liv smiled, "Grazie."

"Prego." She said bubbly and bounced away.

Alex eyed Liv carefully, "I take it she was one of yours?"

Liv nodded solemnly, "A predator stalked her and tried to rape her. Elliot and I barely got there in time."

She nodded, "There's some truly wicked people out there."

Liv nodded and kept staring at the prosecutor.

"You said I'm not that kind of friend." There was no need to elaborate further.

Liv shifted slightly, "Natalie had a close call and now she doesn't trust men. Aside from her father, uncles and Elliot, She tries to stay away from all men."

"So she's gay." Alex said.

"These things can do that to girls her age, she just turned 17 a month ago." Liv clammed up as Natalie came back with two red coke glasses that were filled with soda.

"Here you go, I'm sure you ladies have things to talk about so I'll be over at the counter doing homework. Just call if you need something."

"Thanks Natalie." Liv said.

"Thank you, Natalie." Alex added.

She smiled at them and returned to a laptop that was sitting next to the register.

"She's home schooled now." Liv added, "Her father and his brothers won't let her out of their sight."

"It must have been a bad case." Alex said.

"He kidnapped her, stripped her, bathed her, and felt her up, all on a webcam." There was venom in Liv's voice. "He was going to rape her on camera too, but we got to them in time."

Alex shuddered, "What was his sentence?"

"All in, twenty five and fifteen consecutive." Liv said, "He's up in Attica, hopefully getting what he was going to give out."

Alex sipped at her beverage, "I wouldn't have settled for anything less than fifty."

Liv smiled, "Then I'm happy that you're here."

Something jerked inside Alex at the detective's words and that gorgeous grin. Once again, Alex was stunned by Benson. It was the little things, that caring smile, that warm demeanor, the way her eyes crinkled slightly as she laughed, that drove Alex's libido wild. She tried to school her thoughts and settle the parts of her body that were going rogue on her. It wasn't easy but the arrival of Natalie with the salad and something that smelled delicious helped and made her salivate.

As the girl placed the food on the table, the look that passed between the attorney and the detective was the promise of something good about to happen. She paused as she fully realized how disarming Benson was. The sexy detective had a way of casually slipping inside undetected, though Alex, as self controlled as she was, had seen it. Though it had her wondering weather Benson was doing it on purpose. Schooling her face into it's cool blank facade, Alex mentally chastised herself for letting her defenses slip.

The chilling face of the ADA wasn't missed by Olivia. She'd seen a glimpse of what was inside and it had left her yearning for more. She reminded herself that this was supposed to be a casual lunch to get to know the ADA better for working purposes, not a date. She lifted half of the sandwich and placed it on a plate. "Now you can eat this with a fork if you'd like but traditionally, we usually just pick it up and munch.'

As Liv picked up a half and gently bit into it, Alex cringed as oil and cheese dripped out of the bottom of her sandwich. Alex picked up a fork and used it to lift the bun enough to get a good look at the meat and cheese,.

"It's very greasy." She said, but her tone was more curious than disdainful. "Do i want to know how fattening this is?"

Olivia smiled, chewed and swallowed quickly, "Trust me, just take a bite before you criticize it."

Alex eyed her nervously. She took the knife of the table and cut a small piece off of the sandwich. Taking a breath Alex closed her eyes and lifted a fork full into her mouth.

The instant it hit her tongue her eyes flew open as her taste buds exploded in ecstasy. "Omigod." Alex said with her mouth full. She started chewing and nodding her head, her face in absolute bliss. After swallowing, she looked back to the detective, "Oh this is delicious."

Liv laughed, "I told you."

Alex smiled back and launched a hearty though refined attack on the sandwich. Her salad left completely ignored.

"So you think the Jury will come back with a guilty."

Alex nodded. "Its hard to say for certain, but yes, I believe they were convinced." She twisted her wrist and looked down at her watch. "But we'll know for sure after they reconvene from lunch."

Alex carved of another dainty bite of the sub, "So how long have you been at SVU?"

"About two years." Liv said between bites. "I went to SVU straight off of Patrol."

Alex arched her brow, "Isn't that unusual?"

"Not really," Liv said, "My training officer pegged me for the unit three days in to my patrol. She was right and i have no regrets."

"So when you leave for the day, it is a reasonable assumption that you leave the job at work?"

"Whenever I can." Liv eyed her carefully, "Are you having difficulty separating yourself from the job."

She nodded slightly, "I knew what charges I was getting into when I took the job but…"

"But you didn't know how gruesome this job can get." Liv finished for her.

"Exactly, how do you put it away at night." Alex looked up for any reaction from the detective.

Liv leaned back, "To tell you the truth, I can't always push it away. Sometimes the case just lingers."

"Doesn't that take its toll on your relationship?" she asked casually as she placed another morsel into her mouth.

A slight snort erupted from the brunette, "I'm single and not to scare you off but a lot of that has to do with handling sex crimes. Most of the people that I date are disgusted by what I do and some are just way too interested. So it's been hard to find someone who can handle my job."

Alex nodded her understanding, "I guess i can see that."

"A piece of advice for you." she leaned over the table, "there is a certain distance that ADA's tend to keep from our crime scenes and our victims. Your young, driven, and blissfully naive of the horrible things that we deal with. At some point you're going to want to see the process from the beginning." Liv stared right into her eyes, her face as hard as stone, "Don't. As bad as the statements, the evidence, and the testimonies are, once you cross the line and go to a crime scene or the hospital, it all takes on a realism that can't be undone. Enjoy your ignorance, trust me, it really is bliss."

"Eventually i will have to follow one of you through the process." Alex said, her eyes as cold as ice. "So that I can understand something about what it is that you do, what the victim goes through."

"Just ask your detectives." Liv emphasized, "Turn over at SVU is about two and a half years because no one can stare this in the face for long. We've taken on all kinds of cops and believe me, hardened detectives from Homicide, Assault, Narcotics, SWAT, most can't hack it. There are a few Like Munch and Elliot who've been in SVU longer than most but one thing that I learned is that everyone has a breaking point."

"And you don't think an ADA can handle it?" Although she was trying to put on the appearance of being insulted, Liv's words were resonating inside her. "Or is it just me?"

"Not at all." Liv replied harshly, "I'm suggesting that you preserve your SVU innocence as long as you can because it _will_ affect you. You want to know how I can put it away, like I said, often i can't. and that could be you. You have the luxury of avoiding the worst part of this job. I don't have that luxury at all and you can trust me when I tell you that there are nights where I lay down in my bed but sleep eludes me. And it's something I wouldn't want someone like you to know anything about."

"Some one like me?" Alex bristled, "What does that mean?"

Liv reached over and took the attorney's hand, "I mean that you're very beautiful, and there's a fire in your eyes that I wouldn't want to see tarnished by the ugliest part of human nature."

Shocked to her core, her hand clenched gently under Benson's, The detective was being protective, not insulting. The thought made Alex's heart skip, as did the contact of her hand in Olivia's. Her mind raced and caught up with the last sentence, Benson was hitting on her.

Alex's eyes widened and she pulled her hand out of Olivia's. "Um, thank you for the advice."

Before either could respond, Liv's phone rang. She dug it out of her jacket and answered it, "Benson."

She listened for a second. "No I'm at Dimitri's with ADA Cabot... Yeah. On the way." She hung up and looked towards the blonde. "I've got to go."

Alex stood up as Liv dropped a few bills on the table.

"I got lunch, but if you could call me with the verdict, I'd appreciate it."

"Should I call a cab to get me back to the courthouse?"

"No I'll take you back." Liv lead the way out but with a gentle hand on small of the ADA's back.

Ten minutes later, Alex climbed out of the car. "Thank you for lunch, it was great."

"I should be getting off after six," Liv said huskily. "Can I take you to the best Italian restaurant in Little Italy?"

Again she was surprised. Clearly Benson didn't have an issue expressing her interests. She was about to say yes when an image of Elliot stabler came to mind.

"Detective, although I appreciate your flattering invitation. I'm not a lesbian."

Liv smiled. "Of course. Call me on that verdict, please."

She switched on the lights again and disappeared into the midday traffic.

Alex stared. She had the impression that Benson saw right through her lie.

 _A cop with a loud mouth partner. Get a grip, Alex. You might as well lead the LGBT parade right into Times Square._

But thoughts of those mocha brown eyes haunted her.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Comfort**_

Her eyes closed, Olivia sat at home with her mind spinning around at the murder of Elias Barrera. The whole case was a nightmare from the beginning. Elias was a seven year old who brought a gun to school to protect himself from gang bangers, but he killed a little girl instead. Alex had had no choice but to try him as an adult, but he was acquitted when his fears over Machete came out. He was gunned down by another kid in front of his home.

Liv's heart felt like it was being squeezed by a vice for the poor child. It was always the children that threatened to undo a good cop. She sighed as she again tried to put Elias out of her mind. She sipped at the glass of wine and was thinking hard about switching to the Stoli vodka in her freezer when the door buzzer rang out.

Sighing she got up and walked over to the intercom.

"Who is it?" She said lowly.

"Alex Cabot." Came the reply. "Can I come up? Please?"

Liv sighed, a three way fencing battle between herself, her attraction to Cabot and the ADA herself wasn't what she wanted tonight.

"Please, Olivia?"

Liv's eyes watered at the tone. Alex was apparently feeling the same thing she was. Before she could think better, her instincts kicked in and she jammed her thumb against the door release.

She instantly regretted her caring nature and walked away to throw on a shirt, seeing the ADA while wearing a tank top and no bra was just unacceptable.

She pulled on her blue NYPD tshirt and returned to the door just in time for Alex to knock. Liv braced herself swiped at her eyes and unlocked the deadbolt. Alex stood, still in her court suit, with puffy eyes and a bottle of wine.

"I, um, I just… don't… want to be alone." She said hesitantly.

Liv held the door open and guided the ADA in.

"I'm really not in the mood for politics tonight." Liv said.

"I…" she looked around and settled on the bottle of wine and the glass on the coffee table, she spun around and looked straight into Liv's eyes. "No politics. No arguments. I just want… someone who… understands."

A tear rolled down Alex's cheek. A tear that Liv knew all too well.

She shut and re-locked her door, "Let me get you a glass."

Alex nodded and slipped out of her heels.

Liv went into her tiny kitchen and pulled out a clean wine glass and returned to see Alex sitting on her couch. Her jacket was draped over the arm and her heels were on the floor. She'd already located Liv's Kleenex and had one pressed under her eyes.

Liv quietly placed the glass in front of her and sat down next to her. She hesitated but put an arm over Alex. The ADA scooted next to her and leaned her body against, Liv's. "He was only seven."

"I know." Liv said.

"And that boy killed him over race, because he shot a black girl." Alex broke down. "He was only seven!"

Liv slipped both arms around the ADA as she cried into Liv's shoulder, "I know, sweetie."

Alex responded by pulling Liv closer, Liv leaned back against the couch and let the ADA cry it out, Her own turmoil all but forgotten as she settled in to doing what she did best, Protect and console. Alex didn't know it but the distraction of taking care of the lawyer was what the detective needed to put it past her.

Liv gently stroked Alex's hair, offering whatever comfort she had. Soon the ADA stopped shaking and crying, then she stopped moving altogether.

She could barely feel Alex's breathing through her wet t-shirt but the ADA's ribs were still moving, at a much slower pace. Liv looked down to see that Alex had cried herself to sleep. She looked so peaceful and angelic, a far cry from the icy mask she so often wore. Liv gently pulled the DA's glasses off and reached to set them on the table.

Alex groaned softly and placed her full lips to Liv's neck for a gentle kiss. Liv froze at the gentle suction and again placed a hand on the young woman's ribs. She was still asleep.

Liv dropped the glasses on the table and, holding Alex to her, Laid down on the couch. The ADA settled in next to her and remained blissfully asleep. A hand on Liv's stomach, Alex rested her chin just above the swell of Liv's left breast, her head on Liv's shoulder.

"You're going to feel awkward tomorrow aren't you."

Alex sighed.

Olivia gently pulled the blanket that was on the back rest of the couch over them before again cradling Alex to her. "Sleep well, Alex. I've got you." She whispered.

A slight smile creased Alex's face.

 _ **Attachment**_

She was so comfortable, pressed against lovely curves with a unique scent filling her nose. Alex breathed in gently taking more of the lovely scent in. She couldn't imagine a flower that smelled better. Her hand drifted to the side of the body and gently gripped the ribs next to ample mounds. She let her leg drift up to hook over well shaped thighs in sweatpants, her head resting against a feminine shoulder, her forehead against a feminine neck. Alex felt like she was in heaven.

Then she remembered that she didn't have a girlfriend.

Alex's eyes fluttered open slowly, her conscious mind returning at a crawl as she tried to figure out where she was and who she was with. Her eyes darted around an unfamiliar room and as she lifted her head slowly she felt an arm around her pulling her back down gently.

Alex pulled back enough to see the sleeping face of Olivia Benson.

 _Oh my god, what have I done!?_

Alex tried to force her mind awake and remember exactly what had happened last night. She'd been feeling lost and upset over Elias Barrera's death and she'd raced across town to seek some kind of comforting knowledge from one of her detectives. Only the lunch with Benson stood out in her mind so she'd called the night court DA's office and gotten her address.

Benson had let her come in and she'd broken down. Benson hadn't said much but had held her tight while she cried. Neither one of them had had a drink and sure enough as Alex looked at the table, she found her wine unopened with an empty glass next to it. Liv's bottle was corked with half a glass, the same amount as when Alex walked in.

Yet here she was, on Benson's couch, tangled up with the beautiful detective, under a throw blanket.

 _A really comfortable throw blanket._

Alex felt her throat tighten and her stomach dropped as Benson sighed gently and opened her eyes.

 _Oh this is going to be awkward._

She sighed in contentment as she awoke to a lean body draped over her own. But as her hand gently stroked the silken shirt, she remembered that the person next to her was Alex and that they were not this close. She stilled her hand and tried to figure out how to untangle herself from the sexy DA.

The body stiffened slightly and Liv knew that it was too late, Alex was awake.

She slid her hand up the back to the shoulder and gripped it gently, "It's okay." She whispered.

Liv slid away enough to look at the wide eyed woman. "Feel better?"

"What?" She replied.

"A good night's sleep with a friend holding you together always helped me."

Alex relaxed slightly, "Were friends now? When did we cross that line?"

Liv smiled, "When you came over in need of one."

Alex nodded and rested her head back on Liv's shoulder. "What time is it?"

Liv lifted one of her wrists then the other. She remembered feeling something snag her shirt last night and gently lifted Alex's arm to where she could read the expensive watch.

"Seven thirty in the morning." She said and placed the hand back where it was.

Alex rose up on one arm and looked at her watch, "Oh crap."

She struggled to get out of the blanket and finally managed to get it over the edge of the couch. She grabbed the arm of the couch and slung a long leg over Olivia and rested it on the floor. Her skirt was bunched up to her waist, and Liv got a clear view of the lacy white underwear the DA was wearing. Alex slung her other leg over and felt around the floor for her glasses, giving Liv a prime view of her backside, and thong.

Liv sputtered, as Alex rose up and felt around the couch. "What are you looking for?"

"My glasses." She said. "I was wearing them when I came over."

"On the table."

Alex turned around and found them immediately. She then pulled her shirt straight and blushed as she realized her skirts position. She slid it in place and groaned at the wrinkled mess. "Oh shit!"

Liv rose up and caught her hand.

"Hey relax, you don't have to run off."

Alex shook her head, "You don't understand. I have to get home, shower, change. I have a meeting with Councilman Draper at nine o'clock at his country club."

She threw on her suit jacket and scrambled to find her shoes. "Damn. I need to call a car, I'll never make it."

"Hey," Liv said in a calm voice, "Relax, I'll drive. Just give me a minute to put some clothes on and I'll drive you to your meeting."

Alex thought about it for a second and realized that Liv could get her home and over to the club in time. Though showing up in a cruiser might not be the best impression, she could spin that. Being late was inexcusable. "Okay but please hurry."

Liv stood up, stretched and headed into her bedroom. "Could you start the coffee? Just push the silver button." She disappeared into the room.

Alex went into the kitchen and pushed the silver button, the coffee maker lit up and started its thing.

She turned around to tell Olivia to hurry again when she froze. She had a clear view of Olivia back as she stood in front of a dresser. The detective pulled her shirt off to reveal her wide shoulders and bare back. Alex bit her lip at the sight. But when Benson slid her arms into a bra and reached behind her to clasp it, Alex actually whimpered.

Liv threw on a shirt and slid out of her sweats.

The sight of Liv's backside made Alex groan as the detective pulled on a set of jeans. Liv turned and Alex spun around to see that the coffee maker had turned off but only filled half of the carafe. Liv walked out of her bedroom and immediately went to the scent of hot goodness, and the coffee.

 _Grow up Benson._ She thought to herself as she pulled a travel mug out of the cupboard. She filled it and went to her refrigerator to get her creamer. "Do you want some?"

Alex blinked, realizing that she'd stood completely motionless, "Um, no, thank you."

Liv nodded, poured some creamer in and returned it to the fridge. After screwing the cap on she took her gun and badge out of the drawer and attached them to her waist. "Okay, were all set." She took the keys off the counter and guided Alex to the door.

As expected it hadn't taken Liv long to drive to Alex's uptown condo. A quick badging to the guard and Liv drove into the parking garage below the building. Alex had never actually been in this part of her building before, but Benson's car looked out of place among the high end rides.

Liv parked near the elevator and left her NYPD parking permit on the dash. They rode the elevator up to the top floor and Alex lead the way to her condo.

As they entered, Liv paused, taking in the setting. Alex's condo was twice as large as her apartment but furnished with things that Liv knew cost a fortune. It was all tasteful, expensive, and like it's owner, beautiful.

"This is a really nice place." Liv said as she sipped at her coffee.

Alex nodded, "Thank you. My room is down the hall, I'll be back in a few minutes, please make yourself comfortable."

 _Easiest way to do that is to leave. The frigging throw pillow costs more than my apartment._

Liv decided that the place she could drink her coffee with the least risk of damage from a stray drop was in the kitchen. She wished she would have waited in the car. Stone tile, granite countertops and mahogany cabinets. The silverware on the counter looked like real sterling silver.

"She's loaded. That's all." Liv said to herself, "Alex is stinking rich."

She waited for what felt like forever and finished her coffee. Rinsing her travel mug out in the sink, Liv left it there as she peered around Alex's home. The condo had a well laid out living room that surrounded a gas fireplace, a full out formal dining room and a huge balcony. Everything here screamed that Alex was worth millions, even at age twenty-six. Liv shook her head, _when she's worth all of this and can have anyone she wants, what in the world would she do with you, Liv?_

She sighed and looked down the hallway. The last door on the right was closed but the others were open. Liv decided to keep looking around, more to kill time than anything else. The first room was a fully styled guest room since there were no personal items of any kind in the room. The full size four poster bed was amazing, as were the dressers. Liv quietly backed out of the room and looked in the next one. This one was an at home office with a huge desk, one of those plush executive chairs that she only saw when she was arresting someone in a fortune five hundred company, and a bookshelf lined with law books. Several awards sat on the shelves and Liv looked them over.

Valedictorian from Harvard Law in Boston. Several awards from Boston Cambridge University, a handful of other awards, all from the Boston Area and each one had a picture of her holding the award, but the one thing that really stood out was how alone Alex looked in each of the pictures.

There were one or two of Alex with a sharply dressed boy here or there but even then Alex looked like she was completely alone. Except for one, and it sat on the desk.

Alex was standing in a formal ball gown around eighteen years old. A wide smile on her face as she was being held by a woman who could only be Alex's mother, since they looked so very much alike, and what Liv assumed was Alex's father though there wasn't much of a resemblance. It was the only picture where Alex looked happy, really happy.

"Olivia?" She heard her name being called from down the hall.

Liv walked out of the office to see the last door was open, "Alex did you call me?"

"Yes, could you help me please?"

Liv walked in to see Alex standing in the middle of a huge closet wearing a dark blue dress and trying in vain to reach the zipper. "

"Could you please zip me?" Alex asked.

Liv caught sight of her perfectly flawless back and had to stifle the thought of dragging her lips against it. "Sure." She gently pulled the zipper up with one hand while grasping the bottom of the zipper, near Alex's butt, with her other. Trying to keep her focus, she finished but without any thought on her end, Liv put her hand on Alex's bare shoulder, "There you go."

Alex nodded and turned around. "Does it look alright."

Liv's mouth watered at the sight of that dress clinging to such a beautiful woman. She swallowed hard, "Yeah. Uh, it looks gorgeous on you."

Alex ran her hands down the material and sighed, "I think this would look better on you than me."

Liv arched an eyebrow at her, "not possible. I couldn't fit my butt in that, let alone my rack."

Alex glanced at the anatomy in question and back to her own, "Okay the chest I will give you, but your hips could fit in this." Alex selected a jacket that would compliment the dress and slid her arms into it.

"Is there a place where the rules of fashion are written down some where."

Alex looked over at her, "What do you mean?"

"A formal dress with a suit jacket?"

Alex smiled, "This isn't a formal dress, it's just a simple Maxi, the jacket is just to turn it from sexy to professional."

Liv nodded. "Okay. Like I said, is there a place where I can get a hard copy of these rules?"

Alex smiled, "I wish. They change all the time. Let me put on some eyeshadow and lipstick and we can go."

Liv nodded as they left the closet, _Oh the irony there._

Alex stepped into her huge bathroom and pulled open a drawer of cosmetics. She selected a compact and gently used the small sponge to highlight her eyes, then she chose a red lipstick and applied it gently to her full lips. Afterwards she capped the stick and dropped it into the pocket of her jacket.

Alex picked up yesterday's suit jacket and took out her phone, her keys and a small stylish wallet and placed them in her current jacket.

"Okay I'm ready." Alex said and smiled warmly at Olivia, "Thank you again for doing this for me."

Liv nodded, "We'd better go if you want to make it on time."

"Alright." As Alex walked passed her full length stand up mirror, she paused and slipped off the jacket. Sighing she emptied the jacket pockets on her bed and draped the blazer over it. She walked back into her closet and selected the matching clutch.

"What happened to professional?"

"As Alex put her things in the purse she smiled, "Councilman Draper is kind of a letch. I just remembered Sandy, my legal aid, heard that Draper's wife is on a shopping spree in Miami."

"So sexy will get your agenda through the Councilman a little easier?" Liv shook her head, "You are a politician."

Alex's face chilled, "I am what I was brought up to be. One day, I'll be sitting in the DA's office and then we'll see some real change."

Liv pinched her brows at the sudden change in Alex's demeanor. Up until now, Alex was warm, and sweet. Now she was again the Ice Princess.

Alex lead the way out of her bedroom, out of the condo, and again they rode the elevator down to the garage.

Liv pulled up to Draper's Country club with ten minutes to spare. Unfortunately for Alex, Draper was also getting out of a Town Car. He spotted her in the blue dress almost immediately.

"Miss Cabot." He said with a wolfish grin, "riding around in a police car."

Alex looked to Olivia and there was a plea in her eye.

Liv smiled and climbed out.

"Councilman Draper, this is Detective Benson from Special Victims," she said, "Our meeting ran over so the detective was kind enough to run me over."

 _Some days I'd like too._ Liv thought.

Alex let slip her mask for a second, "Thank you, Detective. I appreciate the ride."

Liv nodded, "Counselor, call if you need anything. Councilman." She got back into her car.

Alex mouth "Thank you" again, Liv smiled and drove away. In her rear view mirror she didn't like the way the councilman's eyes dragged along Alex's rear.

"Just give me a reason to throw your ass in the Tombs." She said as she turned the corner.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Yes, I know. It's been a very long time since I worked on this story. In my defense I've had so many other projects running. and almost all of them tie to this story in some way or another. This story takes place in a massive crossover universe that i created and though i haven't done a lot with Disclosure, I have been busy posting others. If you'd like to see more of this, including some of Alex and Olivia I highly recommend hat you select "Follow Author" since hardly a week goes by that I'm not posting something on this series of stories that span fifteen years of L &O, R&I, SVU, and a handful of others. I Have so many things to do to Disclosure that I can't wait to get to it. Here is the plan, When Convictions is done, I'm returning my attention on Disclosure, Discovery, and Friend in Me because i need all of these finished before i can move on to the next two. I swear, I'm kinda making Alex a bitch in this story but I adore Alex Cabot so please trust me, I'm going to make things right for her and Olivia.**_

 _ **Takes place during and after 2x06 "noncompliance"**_

 **Awareness**

"Hey." Elliot said to his partner as Alex walked in to SVU. "The Ice Princess is here."

Liv didn't comment as she flipped through the file on their suspect, Mark Nash. Though she kept her eyes on the file. Her ears suddenly tuned in to the soft clack of heels. The words on the page all but forgotten.

Jesus, Liv, get a grip. She chastised herself.

 _I want one, of Alex._

She sucked her breath in at the errant thought as memories paraded through her mind. Memories of how good Alex felt nestled against her when she'd cried herself to sleep on Liv's couch. That was more than a week ago. A large hand on her shoulder broke her thoughts.

"You okay?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah." She said and slapped the folder closed and stood up. "Just working it through."

"C'mon." He said and walked towards the interrogation rooms. "let's get this one closed up."

* * *

Arms crossed, Alex stood next to Captain Cragen as she tried to make some kind of sense of Mark Nash's schizophrenic ramblings. A process that would be infinitely less difficult if she could keep her mind on the suspect instead of the detectives, or rather one detective in particular.

 _That **shirt** should be a crime._

The light blue shirt that Olivia was wearing hugged every part of the detective's torso from her lean shoulders and strong arms, to her full breasts, and tight stomach. Alex just wanted to run her hands all over the full sleeved ribbed cotton shirt, as long as Benson was still inside it. Her ill advised daydream was broken by a sharp cry as Nash hugged the block wall. Elliot who'd been standing right behind him looked at Liv before they walked out the door.

Elliot stepped out of the box and shoved his hands in his pocket as he looked to his captain, "Well we won't be getting anything out of him for now."

"Yeah, Not while he's still delusional." Liv said as she as she pressed her hands to her back.

As the shirt was pulled tight across her chest Alex had to look away, She turned towards the window and looked over Nash, "The defense is going to ask for a 730, State Examiner will keep him until he's fit for trial."

"Then maybe we'll get his story instead of Dostoevsky's Crime and punishment".

Cragen sighed and started walking back to the bullpen, "We've got enough for the assault to confine him in a state hospital. The blood on the knife came back as Millers." He paused to see Alex's response.

"I'd like the gun to close it up tight." She said as she leaned against the wall.

"The M.E. found two hairs on the body," Elliot said, "Hair follicles intact so maybe we don't need it."

Alex looked up at him as he stood almost too close. She smacked a warrant against his broad chest and looked up at him, "I never turn down evidence."

She turned to leave and before she could stop herself, brushed gently against Benson as Cragen gave instruction to his Detectives.

"Munch and Fin are talking to Nash's mother in the interview room. Lets serve her the notice while she's here and go toss the house."

Cragen led the way out of the interrogation room followed by Elliot. Liv sighed and rubbed her hand against her forehead. She'd been trying all day not to think about Alex being on the other side of that wall, watching her. It was a ridiculous idea. Despite waking up together on her couch last Friday, Alex had made it pretty clear that she wasn't interested. Her mind spun around those long legs, that gorgeous butt, and the white panties that Liv just wanted to pull off with her teeth.

 _You better get over this, Liv._ She mentally chastised. _Or you're going to end up back in traffic._

"Hey."

Elliot's voice made her jump. Dropping her hand she turned to him.

"You okay?" He asked as he walked in.

"Yeah." She replied, "Just a headache."

"I get those all the time. C'mon, I got some aspirin in my desk." He stepped out of the door so she could pass, "I'll grab it while you get your stuff."

Sitting at the bar in Chauncey's, Liv knocked back another shot of vodka. She should go home, she knew it, but it was the last place she wanted to be, mostly because it was lonely. She thought about heading out to Queens and spending the night at Elliot and Kathy's but she'd had too many drinks. Besides, despite a spa day together, Kathy was still insecure when it came to Olivia and her husband, just less so.

Honestly, Liv thought about coming out to her partners gorgeous wife, if only to calm her fears, but finding out that your husband's partner was a bisexual might throw more fuel on the fire. Kathy might start thinking that Liv wanted to insert herself into the Stabler's marriage instead of breaking it up. So she'd stayed her tongue to keep her partner's marriage as it was.

Though the Stabler's weren't a perfect couple, Liv always saw them as what a real relationship should be. Sure they fought, what couple didn't. Elliot had anger issues and Kathy didn't back down either. But one look and you knew that when the fight was over, love still remained.

A love that Liv had never known.

 _ **Grief**_

 **Chauncey's Bar**

 **a few days later...**

Liv knocked her short glass on the bar and the bartender refilled the glass half way.

"Oh my god." He said breathily as he set the Stoli back on the shelf. Liv looked up to see him staring at the front door. Turning her head to see what had his jaw hanging open, Liv's eyes widened. Alex was dressed in a very expensive baby blue Oscar De La Renta dress that showed off every perfect part of the gorgeous ADA was not what she needed right now and she turned back to her glass fortifying herself for what she knew was coming.

"Detective." Alex said smoothly.

"Not really in the mood for political fencing, counselor." Liv said gruffly and sipped at her vodka.

Alex set her purse on the bar and sat down next to her, "It's not your fault, Olivia. Mark Nash was very sick."

Liv snorted into her short glass, "He was a schizophrenic, not a cancer patient. If we hadn't forced him to take those meds, he'd still be alive right now." She jabbed her finger against the bar.

"And if we hadn't, Earl Gilmore would be on the street, right now, free to rape and murder someone else."

Liv banged her glass down on the bar and turned on the pretty blond, "So it's justified?! The life of a mentally disabled man for the conviction of a rapist? You really are a politician, Alex."

Sighing she looked to the bartender, "Cosmopolitan with a little more lime juice."

He nodded and went about making her cocktail.

Alex turned her attention back to Olivia, "For your information, Detective,what happened to Mark Nash was regrettable and I certainly didn't think that he would be a danger to himself once he was medicated. If I would have known that he could become suicidal, I wouldn't have allowed it anymore than his mother would have. And if I'd have found that out afterward, I would have ordered a suicide watch because his life mattered every bit as much as Maggie Miller's did. Sometimes, these things happen, innocent people die. That's why we have jobs, to prevent awful things from happening and to get justice when they do."

"Nice sound bite." Liv grumbled into her glass right before downing it in one gulp.

Her temper flaring Alex stood up and pulled a twenty out of her purse and slapped it on the counter, "You want a sound bite, Olivia?" She took the Cosmo and downed it, "Here's one. Go to hell."

Olivia blinked and turned to confront the gorgeous D.A. but Alex was just getting started.

"You think you're the only one struggling with this? I was the one who convinced him to take the damn medicine. I'm the one who put him in that hospital. I'm the one who feels like I tied the goddamn belt around his neck and still sought you out because I heard that you felt responsible for his death. I know what they call me around the D.A.'s Office. I've been called it over and over again, the Cold Hearted Bitch, the Ice Princess, Frostbite, I've heard them all my life, said by far better people than you and every time I reach out to another person, they remind me exactly why I don't let them inside. You feel guilty for Nash's death? Well so do I. Forgive me for being concerned about how you feel and trying to reach out. You called me a friend and I thought that's what friends do, reach out when they're hurting. I won't make that mistake again, Detective. So enjoy drowning yourself in cheap vodka."

Alex pulled out a hundred dollar bill and flipped it at the bartender, "It's on me tonight."

She snatched up her purse and headed for the door.

Unbelieving of what she'd just seen, Liv stared in stunned silence as the A.D.A burst angrily through the door and out onto the street. From everything she heard, Cabot wasn't quick tempered, there _was_ a reason she had all those nicknames. But then she realized that for the Ice Princess to pop off like that meant that she was really hurting. Liv grabbed her jacket and rushed out the door after Alex.

She was out just in time to see her in the back seat of a cab, a cab that pulled away heading towards the upper west side. She closed her eyes and bent over, her hands on her thighs.

"Great job, Liv." She huffed, "Way to be a team player."

She straightened, the fuzzy sensation of her drinking fading in the chilly air and remembering the very nice Condo building where Alex lived. She remembered the address from when she took Alex there a few days ago.

"Don't." She said out loud, "Don't do it, Liv."

But she was already in the street, flagging down a cab. She jumped in and gave the cabbie the address.

 _ **Guilt and Desire**_

Alex closed her eyes in the safety of her condo. Angry at Benson's casual dismissal and hurtful barbs, but she was more infuriated over her own loss of control. She'd shouted at her detective, in a bar, a public place. She could see the headlines in her mind as clear as day.

 _ **New York Governor hopeful Alexandra Cabot drunkenly shouting at New York's Finest in a bar.**_

The truth of it wouldn't matter, the context would be lost in a spin to sell news. It was the kind of publicity that could cost her an election.

"Stupid," She shouted to herself, "Stupid, stupid!"

 _She's just a cop! A cop who friggin cares!_ The worst sort of enemy she could make. Benson could easily make things difficult on her at SVU and force her to make decisions that could affect her time in the D.A.'s office. She needed Cragen as much as he needed her to lower the sex crimes rate of Manhattan. The best way to do that was to streamline convictions and make a difference. SVU was her choice, fresh off the Moore's Commission, it was the perfect unit for her to turn into a criminal's nightmare. That alone would get her into Nora Lewin's office and as the District Attorney of New York City, She'd continue her streamlining. A few years after that, she could run for Governor.

Ten years is all she needed.

And here she was, running down one of her detectives in a bar. The kind of place that she never would have been in if she hadn't felt for a detective that she was very attracted too. Alex fell into the immaculate couch in the oversized sitting room. She just wanted to take it all back and be herself but she'd been groomed from age five to hold public office. Her mother's greatest dream was for Alex to become the first female president. Alex's ambitions were far simpler. She just wanted to make her parents proud, live up to the Cabot name, and be herself. The one thing she wanted more than anything else was to be straight so she could realize her parents dreams.

She felt her tears coming on as she remembered how intensely she turned, how easy it was to let Consuela take her virginity. Alex's desires were centered around soft curves, full lips, and full breasts, not broad shoulders, muscular chests and a full, thick penis. Twice she'd pursued relationships with men. Both times she could adapt to every aspect of it, except sex. They breached her, there was no other word for her to describe it. She felt them inside her and it was wrong, it felt alien to her, and even though she gave her consent and even initiated it, She felt as if she was being violated by this protrusion into her. She learned that she was gay, not bisexual, completely gay and that she would rather be alone the whole of her life then to ever feel one of those inside her, ever again. Her biggest secret was the one that would not only end her political career but also shame her family into seclusion. It was a secret she could never reveal. New York City wouldn't vote for a lesbian D.A. and New York State wouldn't tolerate a gay Governor. The progressive movement, for all of it's noise, wasn't getting as far as they made out like they were.

None of that mattered right now as Alex curled up on the couch, arms laid over the armrest and her head down on them. She lowered her shields and cried, wishing for all she was worth that she wasn't so different.

A knock on her condo door caused her to jerk. Who could that be and why hadn't the doormen announced a guest. It couldn't be her neighbors complaining about noise, her condo was sound proof. It was why the few times she did indulge in her fantasies, it was done here. She swiped at her cheeks and looked through the peephole.

Benson stood outside, pacing, she staggered in her boot but caught herself on the wall. Groaning she knocked again.

Before she knew it, Alex jerked the door open, "What!?"

Liv paused at the sight of Alex standing in her bare feet and her provocatively tight dress. Her breath caught in her throat for a second.

"What do you want Detective?"

"You." Liv said in a whisper.

Alex's mouth fell open. Astounded at the detective's very simple answer.

"…to let me in." Liv recovered, "I'd like to come in and apologies."

For a moment, Alex couldn't think. She could have sworn that Olivia was covering, that the rest of her answer was a cover. Still, her body was responding as if that's what Olivia wanted. God knew that Alex had more than a few candle lit nights in her bed thinking of the sexy detective and now her breathing was thicker, as if she wasn't getting enough air. Despite Olivia's added words, Alex could feel the detective's eyes on her, but she could see the look in Olivia's eyes. Part was to apologies, but there was a distinctive, smoky quality to her looks that said she wanted to apologies in a way that wasn't verbal, it was carnal.

Alex took a step back from the door out of surprise. Liv walked in thinking it was an invitation, before Alex could tell her no.

"I'm sorry." She said as she sopped in the tiled foyer, "This case was a hard one on me and I didn't mean to lash out at you."

Alex blinked at her but shut the door so they wouldn't be overheard.

"I didn't know that you felt that way." She said and turned to look at Alex.

"Despite what others say, I'm human, Olivia." She replied, "I have the same feelings you do so don't take my stoicism for callousness."

Liv nodded, "That's exactly what I did."

"I know." Alex huffed, "I was there. Yes, Mark Nash should still be alive, and yes Earl Gilmore should be locked away. But I more than most understand that not everything that should be, is."

That Caught Olivia's fogged mind as her fantasies slid away to reveal the pain in Alex's voice. It reached her deep inside her chest and again Olivia was reminded of how alone Alex seemed. That the gorgeous attorney was alone in this huge condo. Anytime someone in the SVU heard about Alex going out it was politics, not pleasure. Olivia herself had driven Alex to a very nice country club where she'd met with a city councilman that Alex reported was too busy trying to look down her dress than to consider her proposals. Draper was slowly putting the member back into city council member. Something that Alex said will be very useful soon. But she'd still made it a point to keep her legs crossed the entire time.

If Draper saw her in this, I'd get to throw him in jail when he reached out to grab her ass. Why did Liv know that, because she wanted to reach out and cup it as she pressed her lips to Alex's. She wanted to feel the younger woman's skin against her own. To know what she looked like in ecstasy and to see her in the morning with a bright smile and her hair destroyed from a night of passionate love making. To have those long lean legs wrapped around her.

The fantasy popped like a balloon at Alex's voice.

"Oh my god," Alex gasped, "You're _still_ checking me out!"

Liv closed her eyes, her mind definitely slow on the draw tonight from her Stoli run at Chauncey's "I'm sorry, it's that dress. It looks amazing on you."

Alex blinked at the compliment as her skin started to heat and the very dress Liv had so carefully eyed her in felt like it was becoming too tight.

"Look, I know that I gave you the impression that I was attracted to you at Louie's and to be frank, I am, but that wasn't my intention. I was just trying to reach out to get to know you better. I didn't mean to piss you off at the bar and yes, I misread your ability to hide your emotions for apathy because behind that stoic mask of yours, I keep catching glimpses of what you're hiding and I want to see more. The detective in me wants to find out what your hiding and the woman in me wants to be shown the part of you that no one sees. For me, it's hard for me to find someone who gets both parts of me going like that."

"I'm your Prosecutor!" Alex shouted. "Do you even know what collusion is?"

"Yeah." Liv said finally meeting Alex's gaze, she wanted to hide the heat in her eyes but that was impossible, "I know what it means."

"That alone should deter you." Alex exclaimed but under Olivia's gaze, she knew it wouldn't, not for the detective, not for the attorney. Still, Alex tried to protect herself. "If that wasn't enough, how about the fact that I have _told_ you that I'm not gay."

Liv's heated expression tipped into a slight grin, like she knew something, "Because when you look at me, your eyes give you away."

Alex felt her whole body drop into panic had just called her out, and she did so with an arrogant confidence that said the Detective had no doubt at all. Like she had video evidence and just wanted the confession.

"Why, you conceited… egotistical… arrogant…" Alex started. "Get out!"

Liv arched a brow, Alex's reaction wasn't what she expected but apparently being gay was a live wire for Alex. "Look, i'm sorry, really. I came over here to apologies, not to stand here and fight with you and I wasn't trying to make a move either."

Groaning Alex turned away from her and tried to think, but as she looked at the clock on the wall, she started to panic again. It was getting late and she was expecting the kind of company that she couldn't speak about. Fortifying herself, Alex turned back to the detective who had been looking at her backside.

"I need you to leave." Alex said as her cheeks flushed, "As in right now."

Liv blinked as she realized she'd been admiring Alex's shape again. She had to get this under control and unfortunately, there was too much Stoli running through her.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Liv sighed and ran a hand through her short hair, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to…"

"Apologize, I know." She said and took Olivia's arm, "It's been a long day, Detective. Let's just call it a night and try this again tomorrow."

Her arm was nearly burning as Alex guided her to the door, not from her grip, which was exceptionally gentle. It was just the touch and it was enough to convince Liv to agree.

"Okay." She sighed, "Again I'm sorry."

"Should I call you a cab?" Alex asked as she opened the door.

"No I can manage, I'm not that drunk." Liv said.

"Okay, you have my cellular number, Just let me know you made it home alright." Alex said, Okay?"

Liv turned and smiled at her lopsidedly, "Why Counselor, if I didn't know better I'd say you're concerned."

Alex cooled her face. "Your one of my best detectives, Olivia. I don't want to see what Stabler's cases would look like without you there to clean them up."

Liv smiled softly at her, "Abbie Carmichael is the reason why he's supposed to type them. She said he should have been a doctor because no one can read his handwriting."

Alex smiled and shook her head, "Good night detective." She said and moved to closed her door.

"Good night, Alex." Liv said and headed down the hall to the elevator.

Once the door was closed, she fell back on it and put a hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath. Her body felt like it was on fire, something that only Olivia seemed to be able to do to her lately. She had to get this under control or she was going to give in and if she wasn't expecting her occasional lover she just might have caved to Liv right there.

 _Thank god for small miracles._ Alex went to her kitchen flustered and realized that again, she'd forgotten to give Liv the travel cup that the detective had left here barely a week before.

 _ **The other one...**_

Liv stood at the curb in front of Alex's condo complex with a hand in the air as a cab pulled up next to her. Before she could get to the door, it opened and Bureau Chief Donnelly climbed out of the cab. She was still in her court suit and carried her briefcase. She paused as she saw Benson walk towards her.

"Detective Benson." She said in her deep contralto voice.

"Miss Donnelly." Liv said in surprise.

"What brings you out this way?" She said as she paid the Cabbie in cash.

"We closed a hard case today so I was checking on my ADA." She said as Donnelly stepped away from the cab so Liv could get in. "I didn't know you lived out here."

"I don't." She said firmly, "I'm going over a few things with Miss Cabot."

Liv's warm smile faded, "I see. Well good night."

Donnelly watched the cab pull away and sucked in a breath, hoping that Benson never found out why she was really here. She should go home, she knew she should but with her husband working late tonight, her home was so quiet, so empty, she just wanted to have someone to talk to, someone who made her feel like a person, a woman. She knew what would happen, and she knew what awaited her upstairs. A woman, half her age, would make her feel alive, at least for a few hours.


End file.
